


five things that changed and some that remained

by coughsyrup



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-26
Updated: 2012-12-26
Packaged: 2017-11-22 13:36:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/610393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coughsyrup/pseuds/coughsyrup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Latula thinks over all the things that she misses now that Mituna's not quite the same anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	five things that changed and some that remained

_five things that changed and some that remained_

 

 

_one_

You miss sleeping in. You miss when he’d quietly sneak off, wide awake at four in the morning, to his computer, listening to your heavy breath as a calming background noise to hacking into your accounts and playfully leaving you messages. You miss not having to wake up when he wakes for fear of him falling without you there to pick him up. Not having to keep a close, close eye on him to wash his helmet on weekends because he simply can’t be without it while being without you. You miss the days he’d laugh and give you a strip tease to the cheesiest music he could find, more funny than erotic and that was the way you wanted it to be. You miss making love to him with slow, gentle fingers, the occasional spark of electricity getting you high. You miss not having to dress him every day while he slowly burns in shame.

 

_two_

You miss his holding a pen with practised ease, tapping it bored against a table. You miss his holding your hand without jerks and sudden, too-tight clutches. You want to take one more walk with him and not be on edge for every moment of it, waiting for his face to connect with the pavement – because you know it will, eventually. You don’t miss skateboarding with him because you don’t have to miss it. He was never good at it in the first place and sometimes you can pretend nothing’s changed at all. He refuses to let you be scared when he hits the ground. He has his helmet, that’s what it’s there for. He’s screams – because sometimes all he can do is scream – that he’s not some fragile, breakable thing now. The thing is, you worried before the accident too.

 

_three_

Speaking, God, you miss his speech worst of all. You miss overly smooth, joking ‘dirty talk’ in bed, you miss his reading out numbers for you to dial them into the phone, you miss the simplest of conversations that now take eons. You miss asking him what he wants for breakfast and his grabbing your ass and saying ‘you’. The joke never sounds quite as good when he does it now, not when he can’t co-ordinate his words and hand at the same time, not when he’ll fall to move there. He doesn’t try as often anymore. You don’t have to miss his kissing your cheek and calling you his princess, his perfect, his tulip, he still does that. You just appreciate it so much more when he can say it, once a blue moon, and not stutter. At the same time you wish that would never happen – it tricks you into forgetting he ever changed at all. The harsh trips onto the concrete floor of reality are something you’d never, ever miss. You miss never having to see him pretending he doesn’t hate his own heavy tongue.

 

_four_

You miss not having to pretend you miss all of this shit. You hate feeling guilty that you want the old Mituna. It’s not that you don’t love this new one because you do, you _honestly_ do. You have more to pity, for one thing. You’ll never stop loving your tuna fish, past or present or future – the thought is just incomprehensible to you. And they’re the same guy, you know that, of course you do. But they’re different versions and you’re allowed to want the old version you used to have, too. You love your tuna fish but you hate it when you desperately wish you had your version 1.0 back, just for a little while. You miss not having to feel guilty for still wanting your matesprit.

 

_five_

You miss him singing in the shower, his voice cracking and so very out of tune, forgetting the words and singing the first verse three times over. You miss getting home from the skate park and seeing him burn pancakes in attempt to surprise you (he knows not to use the oven now). You miss not having to know how to deal with an epileptic fit. You miss falling into his arms. You miss having time to yourself without having to arrange it in advance. You miss being able to tickle him without making him flinch from overstimulation. You miss him.

 

_six_

He still needs a haircut and he still can’t skate. He still gives you little gifts, it’s just sometimes they’re shiny rocks instead of shop-bought flowers and sometimes he doesn’t remember ever getting them for you and gets confused and upset by their presence. He still hacks like a God and he still makes his horrifically innuendo-filled jokes, if you can work out what he’s saying. He still thinks modern art is pretentious and he’ll still always do everything in his power to protect you. He still tells the world from your facebook status that you’re G4Y and he can still do genius-level maths in his head, still can’t explain how he got the answer. He’s still terrible with directions. He’s still the boy you’re flushed head over heels for. He still lights up when you kiss him. You’re still his tulip and he’s still your little tuna fish and he’s really not that different after all. He’s still your little honeybee. There’s nothing to miss, not really.

 

(you miss not having to tell yourself that)


End file.
